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JOKE OF THE DAY

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote staples Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 April 2019 at 23:59
A man walks into a pet shop, where he sees a talking dog for sale. After chatting away to it for ten minutes he decides to buy it.  Later he takes it to the pub and says "I bet everyone £5 this dog can talk.' A number of people take the bet, but the dog stays silent, and the man is forced to pay out.  Puzzled, the many takes his dog home, where it promptly starts talking again. So the following day the man returns to the same pub and bets everyone £10 his dog will talk. To the man's astonishment the dog clams up and just stares up at him, without so much as a whimper. After paying out again, the man takes the dog home and on the way he says 'I'm taking you back to the shop, you're absolutely useless!' 'Wise up,' says the dog. 'Just think of the odds we'll get tomorrow.'


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote staples Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 April 2019 at 22:20
Steve and Colin go to the edge of a cliff. Each is holding a budgie. Firmly clutching their budgies, they leap over the side. At the bottom of the cliff one turns his bruised, bloodstained head to the other and says, 'This budgie jumping isn't as much fun as I thought it would be.'
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote staples Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 April 2019 at 22:46
The plane is about to crash. 'Does anyone on board believe in the power of prayer?' the captain asks the passengers. A vicar puts his hand up. 'That's great,' says the captain. 'We're one parachute short.'
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote staples Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 April 2019 at 22:32
Doctor to patient: 'I have good news and bad news.' 
Patient: 'What's the bad news?'  
Doctor: 'We cut off the wrong leg. 
But the good news is that your bad leg is getting better.'
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote staples Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 April 2019 at 22:29
A man finds his dog with a dead rabbit in its mouth, and realises that the rabbit is his next-door neighbour's pet.  In a panic he cleans the rabbit and sneaks it into its cage, hoping the neighbour will think their pet had died of natural causes. Next day he spots the neighbour digging a hole in their flower beds and goes over to investigate. 'What are you doing/' he asks 'Burying my rabbit again,' replies the neighbour. 'There sure are some sick people about. The rabbit dropped dead on Monday, I buried it on Tuesday and on Wednesday some nutter dug it up, gave it a wash, and stuck it back in its cage...'



I see this thread and Lotsa's 'Wisdom' thread have also moved; from Members Only to Anything Goes; thank you Admin.  

If anyone else wants to contribute a joke that is fine by me. I am running out of material!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote staples Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 April 2019 at 01:29
Did you hear about the dwarf psychic who escaped from prison?

The newspaper headline read: 'Small medium at large.'




I am going on holiday for a week from tomorrow so this will be my last joke for a while.  If anyone would like to contribute a joke or two in my absence I would be very grateful!  Thumbs Up
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote doormatt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 April 2019 at 22:01
A burglar is robbing a house when he hears someone say "Jesus is watching you".  To his relief he realises it's just a parrot.  The burglar says to the parrot "What's your name?". The parrot says "Moses".  The burglar says "Moses? What sort of person calls their parrot Moses?" The parrot replies "The same sort of person who calls his rottweiler Jesus".
New to cinderellas, but learning fast!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote oookgirl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 hours 48 minutes ago at 03:12
Did you hear about the paranoid man with low esteem?  He thought no one important was out to get him.
OOOK!!!
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